I’m not perfect, and I never claim to be. But sometimes seeing my imperfections show up through someone else, especially my child, is what really wakes me up. 

It’s a mirror I can’t ignore, and it makes me realize: I’ve got to do better.

Lately, I’ve noticed my myself yelling or screaming when I’m frustrated. The hard part? I’ve caught my daughter doing the same thing.

I try not to yell. But when I have to repeat myself 1,000 times before anything happens, the frustration builds. I get aggravated. Annoyed. And eventually… I yell.

But here’s the thing, I don’t like it. I don’t like me doing it, and I definitely don’t like seeing my daughter do it either.

You hear all the time about how childhood experiences create long-lasting traumas. And that’s just not something I want for my kids. 

So, instead of beating myself up, I’m choosing to work on it with intention. I’m going to find ways to improve my behavior and help my daughter improve hers, too.

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Here’s what I’m starting with:

1. I’ll Start by Apologizing

Start with honesty. Apologize and explain why yelling isn’t okay.

“I’m sorry that I’ve been yelling at you lately. I get frustrated when you don’t listen, but that’s no excuse. Yelling is not okay, and I’m going to work on it.”

Why it helps: This models accountability. Kids need to see that adults mess up, too . That we own it and try to do better.

2. I’ll Let Her Express Herself

Ask: How do you feel when I yell? Does it scare you? Make you mad? Etc.

Why it helps: It gives her space to release any emotions she’s been holding in and shows her that her feelings matter.

3. I’ll Create a Clear Plan Together

Let her know what’s going to happen moving forward. For example:

“Instead of yelling, if I’ve asked you to do something and you don’t listen, I’ll count to three. If you still don’t listen, you’ll lose a privilege for the day or have a time-out.”

Why it helps: It sets clear expectations and consequences without yelling. This helps build trust and predictability.

4. I’ll Empower Her to Check Me (And Vice Versa)

This one’s big. I told my daughter:

“If I start yelling, you can tell me. Say, ‘Mommy, you’re yelling again.’ Ask me to stop. Tell me how you’re feeling. And let’s take a deep breath together.”

And I’ll do the same when she yells. Gently, calmly.

Why it helps: This creates a two-way street of emotional regulation. We’re holding each other accountable — with love.

5. I’ll Reward the Good

When she listens without needing me to repeat myself 100 times, or plays nicely with her brother, she earns a star. After 5 stars? She gets a reward — something she’s excited about.

Why it helps: Positive reinforcement motivates and builds confidence. It’s about catching them being good, not just correcting what’s wrong.

6. I’ll Lead with More Love

More hugs. More kisses. More tickles. More connection.

Why it helps: Love is the foundation. When they feel safe and connected, they respond better. And, honestly, I need it just as much as they do.

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These are the first steps I’m taking to break this bad habit. 

If you have tips that have actually helped you, please share them! I tried searching online, but most of what I found talked about how damaging yelling is without offering real, practical ways to change or fix what’s already broken.

And that’s what I need right now: grace, growth, and guidance.

Until next time, 

Off Script Mama